this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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