we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
