I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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