I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
