You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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