At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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