so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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