So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
