I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize