i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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