I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
