yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
