i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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