I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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