Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
