I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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