I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
