fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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