dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
