i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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