hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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