I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
