Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
