I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
