I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
