and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
