How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
