capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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