I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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