I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
