You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
