Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
