I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
