you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
