I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
