what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize