I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
