I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
