i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
