Plan B is the new Plan A
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
