I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
