Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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