just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
