I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My cat gives me a boner
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
