The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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