Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We just shotgunned beers for America
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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