I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
