Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize