take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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