oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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