I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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