Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
