Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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