the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
