hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
