I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
