You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
