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any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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