Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
