This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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