It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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