I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
