i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize