sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize