if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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