maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
