Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
