i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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