we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
