You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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